you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
