he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
