break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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