theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
