you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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