Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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