I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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