Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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