if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
