hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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