Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
