i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
