then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
