Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
