ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
