Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
