Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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