theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
