do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
