I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
