Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
