Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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