You're my little dorito
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
