the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
