In America we eat man semen.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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