you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
