You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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