Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
