i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
