Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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