I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
