Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
