I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
