Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
