Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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