You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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