I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
