This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
