We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
