if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize