Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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