isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
