the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
