Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
