I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
