he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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