His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
