I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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