We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
