Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize