Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
