omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
