So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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