Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
