dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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