God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
