So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
