Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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