I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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