The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
