I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
