found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Green mimosas i think yes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
