that's an acceptable place to lick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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