Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize