Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
