6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
