Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize