Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
