would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
