i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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