This show inspires me to have sex in space
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
