ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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