woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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