Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
